Road Sign Fun

Your basic surfer sign, plus surfer lingo (see below)…

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Are you a Hodad? A Melvin? A Gnarly Waxwookie? Well, no need to stress, Gidge-itch. Even if you don’t know a Hodad from a gonad, you’ll still look like a Big Kahuna with this totally Rad surfer sign. And to help you get started, here are a few basic surfing terms you should know.

Surf Lingo

Alowha — to laugh quietly
ARGLURGARG — phrase used by drowning surfers
Backboard — what the EMTs strap you onto after you wipeout on the rocks
Cowabunga — an obese surfer
Crab Cakes — totally hot surfer chicks with STDs
Dumping — using the restroom
Garyism — ironic wit from Sponge Bob’s pet snail
Getting Tubed — watching television
Flushopolis — surfing near a waste treatment facility
Hanging 10 – a well-endowed surfer
Hodad — a prostitute’s father
Inverted Ariel — an upside-down mermaid
Kahookah — a very large bong
Kahunnukah — a Jewish surfer
Left-Hander — surfer whose right hand was eaten by a shark
Mushy — overly sentimental
Nar Nar — phrase used to taunt other surfers
Peeler — recovering from a bad sunburn
Point Break — losing your train of thought
Point Breakfast — eating an egg McMuffin on the beach
Poo Man — surfing proctologist
Rad — unit of absorbed radiation dose
Rippin’ – passing gas while surfing
Shred — destroy documents
Surfon — a lepton with wave-particle duality
Surfphilis — surfer STD
Surfficient — enough waves
Tubeular Pregnancy — impregnated by a surfer
UNGHHH — I have been hit in the crotch by a surfboard
Waxed — free of unsightly hair
Woody – a state of excitement
Yo — may I have your attention please
Yo Mama — your mother does embarrassing things
Yo Yo Mama — phrase used to insult a cellist
Zaboob — the breast

This rad and gnarly design is available on surfing posters, surfer t-shirts, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Um…reality is back this way…

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Are you sick and tired of the disproportionate amount of media attention attained by Tea Party lunatics — yes, lunatics — especially when most of them probably cannot spell “disproportionate” or “attained,” or use those terms correctly in a complete sentence?

Do you sometimes refer to John Boehner as “John Bone-Head?” Is Ron Paul the “Wrong Pol” for you? Do you consider Sarah Palin to be a real “Palin-The-Arse?” Do you own an autographed picture of Alan Dershowitz? Do you believe that Glenn Beck is the antichrist? Would you like to see Ann Coulter burned at the stake?

Do you base your coffee purchases on fair labor practices, sustainable agricultural practices, and rain forest preservation? Have you boycotted at least one company or industry in the past month? Do you pay extra for free-range chicken and avoid farm-raised fish? Do you actually like tofu?

Do you view displays of patriotism as the gateway to fascism? Do you consider the Pledge of Allegiance to be a form of child abuse? Do you believe that torture is wrong, except when it comes to Rush Limbaugh? Did you think it was wrong to celebrate the death of Osama Bin Laden because, after all, he was just a product of his environment?

Well then, comrade, this sign is for you. Wear it to your next atheist discussion group, Harvard or Berkeley extension school lecture, Greenpeace rally, vegetarian cooking class, or just whenever you feel like antagonizing others sparking a lively discussion.

This radical design is available on political posters, political t-shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Dum dum dum dum…

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You’re having a great time at the beach, frolicking with the harbor seals, when you hear people screaming something from the shore. And there’s some guy with a cello who keeps playing the same two notes over and over again. Suddenly the seals are gone and you find yourself face to face with one of the most terrifying creatures on Earth — Rush Limbaugh in a Speedo.

Okay, it’s not Rush Limbaugh, it’s a great white shark. As you swim for your very life, the guy with the cello plays faster and faster. Let’s face it, you’re in serious trouble, chum. (Get it? Chum?). It’s the soundtrack to your death, and when it gets to the part where the tuba kicks in, you’re shark meat. Oh, crap!

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

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When John Williams first demonstrated his idea for the Jaws theme to Steven Spielberg, playing just the two notes on a piano, Spielberg was said to have laughed, thinking it was a joke. But it became probably the most recognizable piece of suspense music of all time.

All you have to do is start chanting, “Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum,” and everyone knows it’s Jaws. That’s right up there with other lyric-less classics such as the theme from The Twilight Zone (doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo doo-doo) and the Wedding March (da-da da-dum, da-da da-dum).

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Good things come in small “packages.”

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According to physicists, all of the matter in the entire universe was once contained in a space much smaller than Rhode Island. So size definitely does not matter. Except maybe with kitchens and bathrooms.

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Or another.

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A one way sign…but with two arrows. So puzzling. So equivocal. So ambiguous. So — dare I say it — intellectually stimulating. And yet totally accessible, even for complete imbeciles. A metaphor for life, perhaps, where things are not always what they seem. A life in which there’s a sign on the street, but you want to be sure, because you know sometimes words have two meanings. Let’s face it, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven. And it makes me wonder. Oooooh it really makes me wonder.

And it’s whispered that soon if we all buy this sign, then the piper will lead us to reason.  And a new day will dawn for those who buy one, and the forests will echo with laughter. Does anybody remember laughter?

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

This should help clear the air.

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My job used to stink. Literally. There was this guy in my office — I’ll call him “Bob,” because that’s his real name — who used to come into my cubicle and fart all the time. I tried subtle hints, saying things like, “Hey Bob, I just happened to notice that it started to smell like human feces right after you came in here,” and, “Whoa, it smells like someone had Chinese again last night.” Nothing worked. But then I posted this sign, and Bob finally got the message. Now if I could just get him to stop sexually harassing me!

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Don’t fear the cowbell, either.

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This versatile design will work for you whether you’re highly religious, a total bad-ass, or just a fan of Blue Oyster Cult. If you’re a highly religious bad-ass who likes Blue Oyster Cult, please seek professional help.

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Note: this sign is not intended to promote or encourage suicide. If you are considering suicide, please seek help.

You should also seek more cowbell:

Watch more funny videos at Funny or Die.

We really appreciate it.

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Let’s face it, people can really suck sometimes. This sign is a gentle reminder that it doesn’t have to be that way. People don’t have to suck. We could try to be…non-sucky. Nice, even. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all tried not to suck?

This design  is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

It’s a guy thing. Figuratively.

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At the moment it’s a small club — just one member — but I’m sure this thing will grow larger. In fact, it’s going to be HUGE!

ATTENTION LADY GAGA: I have the lyrics for your new hit single. Okay, first of all, Glee is absolutely huge right now. It just earned a couple of dozen Emmy nominations. So if we can somehow piggy-back on that momentum, it could be your biggest hit ever. And you already wrote a song that referred to a “disco stick.” So add that all up, and we have “Glee Club”:

I want romance
And so do you, judging by that lump in your pants
I want some love
And I don’t really care if I’m below or above

I thought your zipper might snap
But then you spilled that ice cold drink on your lap
Your stuff got shrunken
Oh baby are you still a man or are you a munchkin?

It gets really huge when I give it a rub
I like the way you’re swinging your glee club
It’s got more power than a nuclear sub
I love the way you’re swinging that ga-ga-glee club

I like your pecs
But they are not the part of you I need to have sex
I need your night stick
Even though the sight of it makes me kind of sick

You always say it so smugly
Hey babe let’s go bump uglies
But you should be aware
I need it but it’s really not so pretty down there

It gets really huge when I give it a rub
I like the way you’re swinging your glee club
It’s got more power than a nuclear sub
I love the way you’re swinging that ga-ga-glee club

– “Glee Club,” soon to be performed by Lady Gaga

Okay, Lady Gaga, that’s all I’ve got for now, but I can definitely come up with a couple more verses. I can also help with the musical composition. You’re free to use these lyrics without charge — I’ll just be happy with an album credit. Oh, and your dancers have to wear the t-shirts in the video. It’s been great working with you!

This unique design is available on t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, and other mens shirts at the Road Sign Fun store.