Road Sign Fun

Um…reality is back this way…

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Are you sick and tired of the disproportionate amount of media attention attained by Tea Party lunatics — yes, lunatics — especially when most of them probably cannot spell “disproportionate” or “attained,” or use those terms correctly in a complete sentence?

Do you sometimes refer to John Boehner as “John Bone-Head?” Is Ron Paul the “Wrong Pol” for you? Do you consider Sarah Palin to be a real “Palin-The-Arse?” Do you own an autographed picture of Alan Dershowitz? Do you believe that Glenn Beck is the antichrist? Would you like to see Ann Coulter burned at the stake?

Do you base your coffee purchases on fair labor practices, sustainable agricultural practices, and rain forest preservation? Have you boycotted at least one company or industry in the past month? Do you pay extra for free-range chicken and avoid farm-raised fish? Do you actually like tofu?

Do you view displays of patriotism as the gateway to fascism? Do you consider the Pledge of Allegiance to be a form of child abuse? Do you believe that torture is wrong, except when it comes to Rush Limbaugh? Did you think it was wrong to celebrate the death of Osama Bin Laden because, after all, he was just a product of his environment?

Well then, comrade, this sign is for you. Wear it to your next atheist discussion group, Harvard or Berkeley extension school lecture, Greenpeace rally, vegetarian cooking class, or just whenever you feel like antagonizing others sparking a lively discussion.

This radical design is available on political posters, political t-shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Dum dum dum dum…

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You’re having a great time at the beach, frolicking with the harbor seals, when you hear people screaming something from the shore. And there’s some guy with a cello who keeps playing the same two notes over and over again. Suddenly the seals are gone and you find yourself face to face with one of the most terrifying creatures on Earth — Rush Limbaugh in a Speedo.

Okay, it’s not Rush Limbaugh, it’s a great white shark. As you swim for your very life, the guy with the cello plays faster and faster. Let’s face it, you’re in serious trouble, chum. (Get it? Chum?). It’s the soundtrack to your death, and when it gets to the part where the tuba kicks in, you’re shark meat. Oh, crap!

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

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When John Williams first demonstrated his idea for the Jaws theme to Steven Spielberg, playing just the two notes on a piano, Spielberg was said to have laughed, thinking it was a joke. But it became probably the most recognizable piece of suspense music of all time.

All you have to do is start chanting, “Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum,” and everyone knows it’s Jaws. That’s right up there with other lyric-less classics such as the theme from The Twilight Zone (doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo doo-doo) and the Wedding March (da-da da-dum, da-da da-dum).

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Good things come in small “packages.”

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According to physicists, all of the matter in the entire universe was once contained in a space much smaller than Rhode Island. So size definitely does not matter. Except maybe with kitchens and bathrooms.

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Or another.

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A one way sign…but with two arrows. So puzzling. So equivocal. So ambiguous. So — dare I say it — intellectually stimulating. And yet totally accessible, even for complete imbeciles. A metaphor for life, perhaps, where things are not always what they seem. A life in which there’s a sign on the street, but you want to be sure, because you know sometimes words have two meanings. Let’s face it, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven. And it makes me wonder. Oooooh it really makes me wonder.

And it’s whispered that soon if we all buy this sign, then the piper will lead us to reason.  And a new day will dawn for those who buy one, and the forests will echo with laughter. Does anybody remember laughter?

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

This should help clear the air.

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My job used to stink. Literally. There was this guy in my office — I’ll call him “Bob,” because that’s his real name — who used to come into my cubicle and fart all the time. I tried subtle hints, saying things like, “Hey Bob, I just happened to notice that it started to smell like human feces right after you came in here,” and, “Whoa, it smells like someone had Chinese again last night.” Nothing worked. But then I posted this sign, and Bob finally got the message. Now if I could just get him to stop sexually harassing me!

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Where are you from, Slow-venia?

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Thank you for coming. We sincerely mean that, we absolutely love you. And we especially love it when you visit our beautiful state and spend lots and lots of money. But just what the hell is up with your driving? Why are you obeying the speed limit and using turn signals? Turn signals? We don’t need no stinkin’ turn signals! This is frickin’ Massachusetts. We just don’t do that here. We are trying to get somewhere. Get on it, or get out of the frickin’ way.

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Before you check out, check us out!

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If you’re going to die, you might as well do it someplace warm and sunny. Someplace like Florida, where half the population is on the way out to begin with. Where a night out on the town starts at 4:30, and it’s BYOD (Bring Your Own Defibrillator).

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Just grind it out.

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When it gets hard, you need to use your big tight end and keep grinding away until you score. Just blast it right up the middle. Really open up that hole and pound it through. Then take a shower.

This design  is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Don’t fear the cowbell, either.

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This versatile design will work for you whether you’re highly religious, a total bad-ass, or just a fan of Blue Oyster Cult. If you’re a highly religious bad-ass who likes Blue Oyster Cult, please seek professional help.

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Note: this sign is not intended to promote or encourage suicide. If you are considering suicide, please seek help.

You should also seek more cowbell:

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