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No mas, no more! Seriously, no more, I give up. You win, world. I just can’t take any more. At least for now. Probably things will look brighter por la manana. I hope.

Tell the world you’re not a loser, you’re a surrenderer. Yes, I realize that’s not a word, but the point is you chose to give up. You weren’t really beaten. It was strategic, comprende?

This No Mas sign is available on posters, t-shirts, and other assorted stuff at the Road Sign Fun store.

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No Woman, No Cry. What we have here is the ultimate break-up song for men. Men who have been badly hurt. Men who have had their hearts ripped out by some heartless, manipulative, soul-killing bitch-on-wheels.  Men so devastated that all they can do is sit in the government yards in Trenchtown and share cornmeal porridge with other emotionally castrated men. And presumably smoke mass quantities of marijuana.

Actually, according to Wikipedia, “No Woman, No Cry” is really entreating a woman not to cry. It would be rendered “No, woman, nuh cry” in Jamaican Patois. The “nuh,” which makes a shorter vowel sound for “no,” is the equivalent of the contraction “don’t.” So it would be, “No Woman, Don’t Cry.”

But the coolest thing about this song is that Bob Marley gave the songwriter credits to “V. Ford.” Vincent Ford was a friend of Marley’s who ran a soup kitchen in Trenchtown, the ghetto of Kingston, Jamaica where Marley grew up. The royalty checks received by Ford ensured the survival and continual running of his soup kitchen. In all probability, Bob Marley wrote the song, but wanted Vincent Ford — and the soup kitchen — to have the royalties. And stick it to the record company at the same time. Not bad.

This No Woman No Cry sign is available on posters, t-shirts, and other assorted crap cool stuff at the Road Sign Fun store.

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Sometimes the light’s all shining on me. Other times I can barely see. But then I can usually find my glasses.

Okay, some of you younger people may be thinking, “Hey Gramps, the only place you’re truckin’ off to is the nearest assisted living facility.” And for some of us slightly older people, you may have a point.

But at least we had actual music, as opposed to electronic drumbeats, synthesized instruments, and inane lyrics. What are you going to listen to when you get to be our age? Lady Gaga? Justin Freakin’ Bieber? Get real, man.

But I know a lot of us are getting real, age and stereotypes be damned.

There are more than a few 17-year-olds who are seriously into Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Rolling Stones, The Kinks, The Beatles, and yes, even The Dead.

And there are more than a few 40, 50, and even 60-something-year-olds who are seriously into The Shins, Death Cab for Cutie, The Airborne Toxic Event, Broken Bells, The Avett Brothers, Young the Giant, and the Black Keys. And as we drive our teenagers around, we can even summon up some sort of musical appreciation for Lady Gaga, may God have mercy on our souls.

Look, it doesn’t really matter who made it, or when. It just has speak to us on some level. It just has to rock.

This Dead Head sign is available on posters, t-shirts, and other assorted crap cool stuff at the Road Sign Fun store.

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Hey, blabbermouth. Yes, it’s a beautiful day. No, I can’t believe that guy said that to you. That’s pretty weird, maybe you should see a doctor about that. No, I don’t want to look at it, your description was more than adequate.

I am now turning to my computer. Eye contact has been broken. I am placing my hands on the keyboard. My smile is becoming increasingly strained, and my responses have become barely audible grunts. But still you prattle on. Apparently, a stronger hint is required.

With this sign, there’s no need for sushing noises, harshly whispered threats of eviction, or even the “quiet coyote” hand signal. Perfect for work, libraries, schools, dorm rooms — anywhere you need to get the message across that people might eventually need to SHUT UP.

This funny Be Quiet sign is available on posters, t-shirts, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

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Is your life inappropriate for young children? Does it involve intense battle sequences, sensuality, bad language, and some smoking? Any crude language, irreverent humor, or brief drug references? What about sexuality, drug and alcohol content, reckless behavior, graphic violence, or brief nudity?

Do aliens occasionally burst from your chest? Do you think it’s okay to get out the ax when your wife locks herself in the bathroom with your psychic son? Do you refer to your friends as “droogs,” and commit acts of violence while performing “Singing in the Rain?” Do you like the smell of napalm in the morning? Is your name David Lynch?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you should probably come with some sort of warning. Lucky for you, we have you covered.

This viewer discretion advised warning is available on posters, t-shirts, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

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Headless horsemen used to have it pretty rough. Let’s face it, it’s easy to be misunderstood when you ride forth through Sleepy Hollow in a nightly quest to find your head, or a suitable replacement head.

But thanks to the Americans with Disabilities act, it is no longer legal to discriminate against headless horsemen. It’s also insensitive to refer to them as headless horsemen. They should now be referred to as the “headlessly challenged.”

This headless horseman sign is perfect for Halloween, equestrians, or headless people, and is available on shirts, t-shirts, posters, and other headless equestrian supplies at the Road Sign Fun store.

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Do you like to shovel manure? I mean really like to shovel manure? Do you have a lot of money and spare time? Then you should get a horse!

And if you’re getting a horse, you’re going to need some signs warning motorists that a rich, elitist snob horseback riding enthusiast may be trying to make others feel inferior cross the road. And you’re also going to need some equestrian apparel, sometimes referred to as “horse clothes” by the ignorant lower classes laymen.

Well, look no further. This horse sign is available on shirts, t-shirts, posters, and other essential equestrian supplies at the Road Sign Fun store.

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Let’s face it, life can be tough. Sometimes you need a drink. A really BIG drink. Like several hundred gallons. But before you dive into a giant martini, please review these safety guidelines:

• Please dive into giant martinis responsibly.
• Wait one hour after eating before diving into a giant martini.
• Consumption of giant martinis impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.
• Giant martinis may contain giant olives, which constitute a choking hazard for giants.
• Consumption of giant martinis by the Jolly Green Giant may lead to widespread crop destruction and Sprout abuse.
• Keep giant martinis out of the reach of children, and Lindsay Lohan.

This funny drinking sign is available on shirts, t-shirts, posters, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

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Sure, reckless endangerment, projectile vomiting, permanent liver and brain damage, blackouts, and protective custody are all fun, but sometimes you need to tone it down a little. Pace yourself. Reign it in just a bit. Set some personal limits. Just put the beer bong aside for a few minutes and take stock of yourself.

This funny drinking sign is available on shirts, t-shirts, posters, beer mugs, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store. Wear it on a first date, job interview, or to your next parent-teacher meeting. Also works well at church picnics and AA meetings.

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The terrible sound of brakes squealing, followed by the instantaneous-eternal delay…and then the sickening sounds of blunt-force trauma and shattering surfboards. Lethal shards of blood-soaked polystyrene and fiberglass fly through the air, further endangering already endangered Piping Plovers. Gasoline tanker trucks encounter cleverly concealed ramps, flip, then burst into flame and explode for no apparent reason other than to satisfy a target audience of 13-year-old boys.

Another surfer tragically run down trying to cross the road to the beach. The EMTs do all they can, but it’s a losing battle. Ultimately, there’s nothing more they can do. It’s the Final Wipeout. Coughing up blood and fiberglass, the surfer utters his poignant last words. “Dude…I’m like…totally hosed…”

So senseless. If only there were some way to warn drivers about surfers crossing the road. But how?

Why did the surfer cross the road? Probably not to be killed. Maybe to avoid the ridiculous parking fees. No one knows for sure. But possibly this tragedy could have been averted with this simple sign, which is available on surfer t-shirts, surfing posters, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.