Road Sign Fun

Dry your tears, I say.

Buy this road sign!

No Woman, No Cry. What we have here is the ultimate break-up song for men. Men who have been badly hurt. Men who have had their hearts ripped out by some heartless, manipulative, soul-killing bitch-on-wheels.  Men so devastated that all they can do is sit in the government yards in Trenchtown and share cornmeal porridge with other emotionally castrated men. And presumably smoke mass quantities of marijuana.

Actually, according to Wikipedia, “No Woman, No Cry” is really entreating a woman not to cry. It would be rendered “No, woman, nuh cry” in Jamaican Patois. The “nuh,” which makes a shorter vowel sound for “no,” is the equivalent of the contraction “don’t.” So it would be, “No Woman, Don’t Cry.”

But the coolest thing about this song is that Bob Marley gave the songwriter credits to “V. Ford.” Vincent Ford was a friend of Marley’s who ran a soup kitchen in Trenchtown, the ghetto of Kingston, Jamaica where Marley grew up. The royalty checks received by Ford ensured the survival and continual running of his soup kitchen. In all probability, Bob Marley wrote the song, but wanted Vincent Ford — and the soup kitchen — to have the royalties. And stick it to the record company at the same time. Not bad.

This No Woman No Cry sign is available on posters, t-shirts, and other assorted crap cool stuff at the Road Sign Fun store.

What a long, strange trip it’s been…

Buy this road sign!

Sometimes the light’s all shining on me. Other times I can barely see. But then I can usually find my glasses.

Okay, some of you younger people may be thinking, “Hey Gramps, the only place you’re truckin’ off to is the nearest assisted living facility.” And for some of us slightly older people, you may have a point.

But at least we had actual music, as opposed to electronic drumbeats, synthesized instruments, and inane lyrics. What are you going to listen to when you get to be our age? Lady Gaga? Justin Freakin’ Bieber? Get real, man.

But I know a lot of us are getting real, age and stereotypes be damned.

There are more than a few 17-year-olds who are seriously into Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Rolling Stones, The Kinks, The Beatles, and yes, even The Dead.

And there are more than a few 40, 50, and even 60-something-year-olds who are seriously into The Shins, Death Cab for Cutie, The Airborne Toxic Event, Broken Bells, The Avett Brothers, Young the Giant, and the Black Keys. And as we drive our teenagers around, we can even summon up some sort of musical appreciation for Lady Gaga, may God have mercy on our souls.

Look, it doesn’t really matter who made it, or when. It just has speak to us on some level. It just has to rock.

This Dead Head sign is available on posters, t-shirts, and other assorted crap cool stuff at the Road Sign Fun store.

Or another.

• Buy this road sign!

A one way sign…but with two arrows. So puzzling. So equivocal. So ambiguous. So — dare I say it — intellectually stimulating. And yet totally accessible, even for complete imbeciles. A metaphor for life, perhaps, where things are not always what they seem. A life in which there’s a sign on the street, but you want to be sure, because you know sometimes words have two meanings. Let’s face it, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven. And it makes me wonder. Oooooh it really makes me wonder.

And it’s whispered that soon if we all buy this sign, then the piper will lead us to reason.  And a new day will dawn for those who buy one, and the forests will echo with laughter. Does anybody remember laughter?

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Don’t fear the cowbell, either.

• Buy this road sign!

This versatile design will work for you whether you’re highly religious, a total bad-ass, or just a fan of Blue Oyster Cult. If you’re a highly religious bad-ass who likes Blue Oyster Cult, please seek professional help.

This design is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

Note: this sign is not intended to promote or encourage suicide. If you are considering suicide, please seek help.

You should also seek more cowbell:

Watch more funny videos at Funny or Die.

I think it’s somewhere in New Jersey.

• Buy this road sign!

Just Kidding, New Jersey! You know we love you.

For many of us, the Highway to Hell happens twice a day — on the way to and from work. For others, it’s a trip to the dentist, a drive to visit relatives, or maybe the drive to your colonoscopy.

If there’s somewhere you don’t want to go, this is the shirt for you. Also, if you wear this t-shirt, people will think you are a biker, satanist, hardcore ACDC fan, or all of the above. Cool!

One last note. This sign was requested — we take requests! If there’s a sign you’d like to see, contact us and we’ll do our best to get it done.

This design  is available on posters, t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, mousepads, and other unique gifts at the Road Sign Fun store.

It’s a guy thing. Figuratively.

• Buy this road sign!

At the moment it’s a small club — just one member — but I’m sure this thing will grow larger. In fact, it’s going to be HUGE!

ATTENTION LADY GAGA: I have the lyrics for your new hit single. Okay, first of all, Glee is absolutely huge right now. It just earned a couple of dozen Emmy nominations. So if we can somehow piggy-back on that momentum, it could be your biggest hit ever. And you already wrote a song that referred to a “disco stick.” So add that all up, and we have “Glee Club”:

I want romance
And so do you, judging by that lump in your pants
I want some love
And I don’t really care if I’m below or above

I thought your zipper might snap
But then you spilled that ice cold drink on your lap
Your stuff got shrunken
Oh baby are you still a man or are you a munchkin?

It gets really huge when I give it a rub
I like the way you’re swinging your glee club
It’s got more power than a nuclear sub
I love the way you’re swinging that ga-ga-glee club

I like your pecs
But they are not the part of you I need to have sex
I need your night stick
Even though the sight of it makes me kind of sick

You always say it so smugly
Hey babe let’s go bump uglies
But you should be aware
I need it but it’s really not so pretty down there

It gets really huge when I give it a rub
I like the way you’re swinging your glee club
It’s got more power than a nuclear sub
I love the way you’re swinging that ga-ga-glee club

– “Glee Club,” soon to be performed by Lady Gaga

Okay, Lady Gaga, that’s all I’ve got for now, but I can definitely come up with a couple more verses. I can also help with the musical composition. You’re free to use these lyrics without charge — I’ll just be happy with an album credit. Oh, and your dancers have to wear the t-shirts in the video. It’s been great working with you!

This unique design is available on t shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve t shirts, and other mens shirts at the Road Sign Fun store.

You used to rock out without warning.

Now there’s a warning.

Rock on, dude.

Buy this road sign! You can get this funny highway sign on t-shirts, posters, and other merchandise at the Road Sign Fun store.

This design looks great on one of our cool tee shirts (we have t shirts, golf shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, long sleeve t shirts, bags, & more). This rock and roll t shirt is perfect if you’re in a rock band, or just headed for the Hard Rock Cafe. Or buy it on a poster — it’s perfect college dorm room decor. Rock on…